I Dare to Quit

Quitting Smoking is hard. Whoever said to apply "mind over matter" to this habit, I guess he's one of the people I envy a lot.

Why do people smoke? Based on personal experience - smoking is a stress-reliever; it kills boredom; the sensation of smoking after gluttony is relaxing; that "moment" in the restroom while doing your thing is pretty much relaxing as well; drinking while smoking compliments each other; and lastly, when you can't count a friend, you can now buy one at your local store. All of these reasons are mainly based on experience. But I do believe that I am not the only one with these reasons to rely on.

In the cycle of my boring life, I told myself to quit for a couple of times already. And I always fail like Plankton (Spongebob Squarepants). People should understand that kicking the habit is not as easy as ABC. If it is, I guess I'd have more stars in my hands now rather than nicotine in my lungs. But when reality sets in, the idea of quitting is as hard as getting high grades in math, and at some point, disturbing. I, for once, decided to quit again for the Nth time. I was able to quit before, but now I guess the word "quit" is sooo magical that I can't believe it even exists. Sticking to new life without smoking is challenging. But the truth is, the challenge lies in the way you handle yourself, not with the idea of kicking the habit.

I am one of those people who tried so hard to quit and to quit. I made many plans and lasted for months, but the habit keeps on purging out of my head. Quitting may cause you annoyance, disturbance and other -ance that is so negative I don't want to post. To sum up all my self-made intervention program, here's a list:

• I asked friends to support me. It's really effective. Almost everyday and every hour, a good samaritan would remind me not to smoke. Having that feeling that people believe in you was the best feeling in the entire alien race.
• I posted my progress. Utilizing technology, I keep myself and others posted with my everyday struggle. It's really motivating to know that they were supportive.
• Everyday alarm for reminder. I set an alarm every lunch and dinner, time where I know urge to smoke would attack me.
• Replacement Procedure. Whenever I feel like smoking, I eat fruits (mostly apples), to divert my appetite.
• I kept a journal. Seriously, I tracked down my everyday progress and feelings by jotting down notes. And when I feel like smoking, I read it over and over again.
• I created a calendar. 10 days would only mean 1 week. And at the end of every week, I treated myself with an awesome body massage and bought new clothes (really motivating).
• I forced myself to be a composer. Whenever I feel the urge, I divert my attention by creating music. Compiling all my compositions, maybe I would get a platinum award.
• I had an online journal. Aside from the journal I had kept, I used technology to save my experiences. So that when my journal would be burned to ashes or washed away by a tsunami, at least I have it covered.
• During weekends, I intended to wake up late. So that I won't smoke in the morning.
• I created an account in Livestrong.com. It's like a support group for you to quit smoking.

To be really honest, there were many plans I formulated aside from that. But seems like the list is never-ending and my hands are not in the mood to type it all. The bottom-line is, I helped myself to quit. And as a result, I was smoke free for 3months in a row.

But walls of china fell on me when I smoked again. That day made me feel like a worthless shit. I gave up that 3months just for a single stick... and that single stick destroyed my plans since then. I decided to quit again but it seems like any plans was not working. I began to smoke again. More sticks than ever. So I decided to quit smoking intermittently - smoke today, not the next day, then smoke again. It was effective. But once again I failed. I even tried to rehabilitate myself by staying at my sister's place, and I still failed. I tried those interventions that I made and I failed. I asked for a real support group and yet I failed. You see, it seems like my whole life is a failure. And that idea lingered in my head for a very long time.. until now.

One event led me to try and quit again. I was told I am the ugliest man on earth. Yeah like seriously. Ever since, I tried quitting and did that intermittent way of kicking the habit. I was successful, but not too long. I was really devastated, hoping my life would be better sooner or later. I told myself "I need to fix everything. I want that person to realize how handsome I am" But later realized that I am motivating myself through revenge, and it's not good. Hatred had driven me mad and all I could think about is having my revenge by renewing myself. However, to my dismay, I haven't done anything to improve myself AGAIN. I was the same person told to be the ugliest man on earth.

But last night (November 29, 2011), it hit me. I told myself "Hey, I want to change. But I'm not gonna change for anybody. I will change for myself. I want my life to be better, and that's by believing I can." It may sound odd, but yeah it's true. With the guidance of all the fairies of the mountains, I am gonna quit again. For the Nth time in my life, I will try again. One thing I learned in this journey of quitting is that "It doesn't matter if you fail so many times, as long as you try, you should not give up." I looked at the mirror and realized that I haven't looked at my eyes lately. I saw how handsome I am. Really, i'm not being boastful. It's just that I have to believe in whatever I want to achieve or to be. If I don't believe myself, then who the hell in the world would believe me?

I feel quitting this time is different. I feel really EXCITED about it. Before, I was like nervous to the bone of when my urges would attack, withdrawals, sensations.. But now I feel like I can do it this time. One beauty of consistently failing to quit, is that I get to learn the pattern of my urge. I now know the events, circumstances and even people who would drive me to smoke. I guess I did not fail at all. I LEARNED. And I LEARNED A LOT.

So for people who wanted to quit smoking, I want you to know that mental pressure is your worst enemy. Set your mind. Plan interventions. Fail if you must. Stand up again and try. Nobody said that quitting would be easy. You are not alone. I myself is one of those hopeless quitter. But look, even if I failed so many times already, I still got the guts to try. Why? COZ I WANT TO KICK THE HABIT before it kills me. And for those people who'd try to smoke, for goodness sake, just go to your room, study your lesson or watch tv or whatever right thing to do than smoking. You don't get the idea of how hard it is to quit, and I am hoping you'd realize that it's really freaking hard by reading this post.

I will keep y'all posted in this journey. I know I would be successful. And by that time, I will be an advocate of healthy living by kicking the habit of smoking. You should know by now that smoking kills. So if you still want to live longer and see your grandchildren in the future, BETTER QUIT NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week but TODAY.